Wednesday, March 20, 2013
I AM my own higher Power.
Each and every step is a step in the direction towards the inner God of your own being. I can say that now and understand it only after working an entire set of steps. Talk about this while I was on step three and you would have been faced with a much different view from my lips... My god is an asshole and I want nothing to do with him. Maybe all my relapses around step four were not just solely the result of fear of that step, but maybe that I was entirely unready to believe there was a god in my life that could save me from myself.
I have come to understand that trust runs so much deeper then just around the physical relationships in my life. Trust with myself and trust of the god of my understanding.... Which is a goddess btw, was a hard trust to begin to accept. My trust did not begin to develop until step 11. Although I begrudgingly became willing at step three... The third time around at least. Peeling back the layers in the steps between is what help me build my trust in a higher power as well as myself.
I was at a woman's group last night and I was asked to explain what meditation was for me and I found myself passionately speaking about meditation taking me to a place within myself that was more ecstatic then the best orgasm or the highest high I ever had in addiction. It was only in that moment that I realized the power of the twelve steps. They give you a greater feeling and better thoughts then you ever had in addiction. Now that I have achieved this state outside of dope and can call it up at will, why would I ever want to use again??
An inner power resides within each of us, it just takes patience, persistence and courage to tap in and to work with it in all of our affairs. I encourage you to go within and find yours, be the change you want to see.