Friday, March 8, 2013

Learning to Love Ourselves

......'What we want most is to feel good about ourselves.'  Basic text, p.101

I just got out of my drug addiction counselling appointment and this was the focus of our session today.  My self esteem.  Go figure.  I am so used to these synchronicity now that they don't even phase me anymore. 

I found a love so startling within these rooms of NA when I came in that it scared me back out.  Realizing at such a late age in life that I had no idea what Love truly was is an uncomfortable awakening.  Women hugged me and related to my pain.  Other addicts shared in meetings thoughts directly from my head.  I felt like I found a home that was more of a home then my biological family was.  While it was welcoming and wonderful it was equally as sad and painful.

That love however did carry me until I began working the steps and I began to feel some compassion for myself and my journey.  I find myself now learning the process of liking myself and embracing the emerging personality that seems to be oozing out of my pours.  I am slowly moving away from those people, places and things that hurt me, into a more loving and supportive environment.  My self esteem is rising, I was just informed by my counsellor.

It is a really odd thing to learn to love yourself and to take care of yourself.  I have realized loving myself does not mean pampering myself at the spa.  It means paying my bills on time.  It means excersizing my body and feeding it well.  It means taking care of my responsabilities well and living a honest life both within my mind and within the world.   By doing these things I am showing respect to the one person that matters most in my life.... Me. 

It's not self centered to take care of Me.  By taking care of who I am, it free's up my energy to be of service to those in need around me.  When I am not stressed about my bills, or feeling like crap, then I am free to get involved fully in the present moment.  Being in the moment is where true service begins, because you are then aware of what is needed and how to deliver that.  When I am not taking care of me, I am clouded and unable to see what someone else needs.  This is why taking care of me is not self centered. 

So  Just for Today; I will do something today that helps me recognize and feel love for myself.

Thank you for letting me share

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