Sunday, March 17, 2013
Finding your courage.
I just walked through a time in my life where fear was almost overwhelming. Being without work, no income source in sight and no man in my life to fall back on. That was a raging fear that threatened to not only take me back out but also to act out in ways that would compromise everything I was working so hard to change in my life.
That fear did have me dancing with the devil a bit, reaching out to old obsessions and skirting opportunities to fall back into old toxic relationships. I never fully understood how sneaky fear can be and how much my addiction is truly a disease wanting me dead. This disease of addiction waits for moments in my life where my mind is challenged or compromised and works overtime to slip in to the dark corners of my thoughts, laying spider babies to infect my thoughts of peace and trust in the process of life. Those spider babies brought me back to the arms of my lover.
However even though I was going through the motions of an old pattern of coping, my heart was deeply connected to a power greater then myself. I found myself breaking ties completely with my lover and sending him on his way packing, for good this time. I feel the severing of connection with him and with my old patterns of needing a man in my life to feel safe and secure. I tapped a courage to stand fully in my truth and speak it in the face of my raging obsession to allow him to just make it all better and take me away from the place causing me so much fear.
Today I am not longer drowning in that fear as money has come to me from sources unseen before. I have been gently removed from my obsession and I am filled with awe over my own ability to walk through it and not fall victim to my own self sabatoging antics. I am filled with an empowering courage that I as a single women can and will create a wonderful life for myself and my daughter. That courage is fuelling me forward and as the momentum picks up so does my excitement over my new way of life.
Be courageous its not as hard as you think.