Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Getting out of the Rut


Todays Topic:  Complacency

I think it's true for everyone in the world that life can get boring at times, we can all fall into ruts.   I definitely can relate to this before my current manifestation of drug addiction wreaked havoc in my life.  Understanding fully that I have always struggled with the disease of addiction I did enjoy creating the chaos my life had always been loaded or not.  However there were times in my 17 year marriage where I thought I was gonna poke my eyes out and suck my brain through the sockets if I had to preform one more menial motherly wifey task again.   It was at those time I could have learned what the blue book speaks of instead of creating the huge life changing dramas that I was accustomed too.

I have not faced this issue in recovery yet because I am still in the phase of.... Oh God please make my life simple....   I even have posters around my house with the accronym KISS.. keep it simple sweetheart.   I am so sick of the chaos of my mind manifesting in my life that I long for the routine of boredom.  Just as the reading states.   However now that I am learning I am not unique maybe I will start working on some preventative medicine now for this malady that is sure to strike me as I continue on this path.

I have learned that doing new things, however small they are, creates a passionate excitement within my spirit that is akin to the feeling of falling in love with that really cute bad boy.  You know the rush of a new relationship that us addicts thrive on?  Trying new things produces a measure of that feeling for me.  I can see how when my life gets to that simple that I strive for now, I will be missing out on that passionate feeling within me.   Dangerous zone for this girl to hit, as that's when I rush out and make some huge life changing decisions to shake shit up again.  Maybe already predicting the path I can make it my goal today to try something new once a week.

What's if every week of my life I strove to try something new, however small or large.  Wouldn't that create a really fun story for my grande children one day?  All the things grandma has tried in her life?    I am sure there would be some interesting things on that list.   I am getting excited just thinking about creating a list to create excitement!!    Today in early recovery everything is new, almost daily I am trying something new and maybe that's is the bases for the excitement the new comer feels.  Maybe I can carry this excitement for the rest of my life and not fall into the rut.... Ever?

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