Wednesday, March 13, 2013
My sponsor, my friend.
I have definitely struggled with what a sponsor is and isn't in my little corner of the world. The old me had a whole shit tonne of expectations. Those expectations I am learning today were double high for my sponsor. I truly believed my sponsor was my soul saviour and that as long as they were privy to my life then I would stay out of harms way. I had no concept of how much work I had to put into my own program. I really did believe that just by having a sponsor I would stay clean. Ya, two very painful falls corrected that thinking.
Two falls and two sponsors later I am now just coming to understand what the role of a sponsor is in my life. I am only coming to that understanding because I am just coming to learn who I am and what I need. I had no idea how to utilize a sponsor in the past, therefor my sponsor could not do much for me other then share the steps with me and show me my patterns and the nature of my issues. Everyday life was still a mystery to me and was causing me to continue to wreak some havoc in my world.
For me I am coming to understand that a sponsor is my friend, and someone in whom I trust. It takes time to build trust and with that comes respect and finally and deeper love then the one born out of our first tradition. I have not always shared everything with my sponsor, sometimes I have faltered in my life because of that and other times I have become empowered by solving a problem on my own with my higher power. My sponsor has allowed me the room I need to grow and for that I am beyond grateful to her.
I personally believe a good sponsor builds you up and empowers you to walk forward into a new life. I am a very sensitive person I have come to realize and my sponsor worked with that. She is slowly helping me to become stronger. Someone whom has tapped their own higher power and has emotional maturity is definitely an asset in a sponsor. However just having someone to walk the steps with you in the beginning is enough. The steps are the focal point the perfect sponsor for what you need in that moment will come to you and as you mature and grow so will the sponsor you choose.