Two Sundays ago I shared at a meeting my shocking understanding that I have more than a multitude of addictions, I indeed have a disease and that disease wants me dead. Dead.
I have been so focused on the ways my addiction manifests itself that I was missing a much larger picture. I was caught up on labelling my addiction of the moment. Once drugs were removed food slipped in there nicely to fill the void drugs left. Then I realized I was a food addict much before drugs entered my life, so I became confused on what program I should truly be in, NA. Or OEA. After I peeled back the food layer I was brutally aware of my codependency issue and my sexual addictions, sending me for another tail spin as to where I belonged. These labels I was attaching to myself fell under the category of addiction. I was missing the larger grouping of these labels.
So I started another round of steps, going a little deeper this time. Peeling back the layers of why I am in such dis ease with myself and my life. Uncovering the past that caused me to want to numb out in the first place. Taking an honest look at getting better not just masking the problem. I no longer just want to survive, I want to thrive. I no longer just want to live, I want to enjoy every moment of who I am and what this world has to offer. I will always have the disease of addiction within me, but I can learn how to manage it and as time goes along I can move further away from its harmful effects in my life. Even now with every challenge that arises for me to not act out in negative ways and to keep a nice balance my confidence and happiness builds. The true addict in me now wants more of that. I do beleive we can recover entirely from this disease.... But maintaince will continue for life. As with everything good and worthwhile it takes effort to maintain it, so it is with myself.
Regardless of what fellowship of the 12 steps you belong to, we all share a common disease.... more of the world then is accepted now shares this same disease. Together we can.. alone we cannot. Reach out today !!