Why is my mind always on the potential pain that's coming my way? How do I flip my mind to look at the potential glory and joy that is coming my way? How do I still move forward when there has been so much pain and heart aches left as results of my risks in the past?
Getting older is hard stuff.
With age comes wisdom, but wisdom only comes through experience. As I experience life I make more mistakes and feel more pain. It becomes exceedingly more challenging to take risks knowing that it really is a fifty fifty chance of the situation working in your favor.
I guess with practice I can learn to stay away from the experiences that I know are gonna only end up in heart ache, but those seem to be the same experiences that through the process and before the heart ache the joy is over the top wonderful. I guess the question is, is the joy worth the pain then?
Sacrifice. Is there sacrifice in everything? Can anything be achieved without the work? And does the work need to be hard?
I am on about creating our own realities lots in these pages. I just had a great conversation with my hypnotherapy guru, about how one creates their own experiences void of suffering. And even as much as I respect him and our relationship is one of teacher/student there are some things I just cant understand yet.
I feel pain is a wonderful earthly experience. I have been enlightened and feel super connected to the energy of all when I gather the courage to reach deep into myself and touch the pain that has been brushed under the carpet of my heart. I feel liberated when I allow myself to fully BE with the pain, to share it with someone else and then have the courage to walk through a similar experience and create a joyous outcome.
That to me is what life is really about. Experiencing it fully and completely.
But... I can get stuck in the Being with the pain and the sharing it. Constantly looping there.
I have changed my reality tremendously a couple times in my years. From income levels of poverty to middle/upper class. From obese and miserable to fit and happy. My social circles have changed entirely several times and I have moved out of being married to freedom for me. I understand the power behind manifesting my reality. I also understand the sacrifices I needed to make for each of those changes to occur.
So my counter to my glorious Guru was this.....
What I don't understand is why not everything I want manifests and if its because of vibration levels and universal timing then how can suffering and pain not be involved? I am human and my feelings sometimes act in their own accord. I can manage my thoughts and I am learning to manage my feelings.... but I have learned I cannot suppress either of them. I can shift the energy and change them, but not push them down and hide them.
Maybe this is where my teacher is trying to direct me to. that its a choice if I suffer or if I have the power to discipline myself to flip that pain into love. I can get on board with that, but I need to remember to first allow myself permission to have the negative thought and feeling first. To experience it and fully embrace it before I flip it. Because I think its in enjoying the entire moment for what it is, is where I am missing out entirely.
I get caught up in the fear of losing the happy feeling so I squash it in my time and my control. It's the only way I know how to let go. Or I get lost in the drama of the pain that I allow myself to stay there because its easier to just stay in sadness then to find happiness and lose it again. Because I can't let it go.
I think to answer my own question about why some things manifest and some things don't. Is those things may not be on the path I am going. They are distractions that my higher self can see. So even though my ego is salivating over the potential experience, my higher self knows its not gonna be good for the intentions I have already set for myself. This is where the idea of God residing within me always confused me.
Hmmm... So I am marrying my progressive beliefs of I am in full control of my manifestations, with the worlds outer belief that what is happening in their lives is happening to them and gratitude for universal mercy reigns supreme. I think my struggle is with my Ego and the art of letting go.
It always comes back to my inability to let go. When I want something whether its good for me or not, I chomp down and wont let up until the morsel of meat is entirely devoured. Which sometimes leads to terrible bouts of food poisoning.
Being in the moment I guess then means knowing when to let go and when to continue on. Because truly if I am not in the moment and struggling really hard to be, its always a loop I am caught in. That is when fear of past pain pulls me down. Not that I wont feel that fear ever, but when it loops and causes me to lose focus for extended periods of time... that's the suffering for which maybe my guru was speaking of? Thats me not in my higher self, but my Ego.
Food for my thoughts I guess. Have a great day! Sending you love and light and many growing experiences today!!