Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The 11th Step At Work

Topic:  Acting As If

'Fake it until you make it' was a more common term for me before coming in to the Program.  I had been introduced to this way of thought when I began my spiritual practices with The Goddess.  I practised the concept without having really any understanding or proof that it worked.  Even though my practice was insecure and only half hearted, several years later I began to see the proof.  I grew in my spiritual abilities and my life began to change because of it.  Reflecting back today causes my breath to catch over several fake it moments that I now realize were not faking it at all.

When I changed careers in 2007 I found myself in a social circle way out of my comfort zone.  My co-workers,  my clients and my new friends were of a much higher social class than I had ever been privy too.  I loved my job so much that I really began to act as if  I was always one of them.  I felt like a fake in the beginning, it was very hard for me to learn new standards of living.  

I was surprised when I began to learn that all the people that I believed to be of a higher social status then me were all exactly like me.   As I became friends with this supposed higher class, I was confronted with the hard facts that they just managed their finances better then I did, or they managed their social interactions more confidently then I had.  These people were not of a different social class then me they just had different skills in the social arena then I did.  Every one of these new acquaintances started somewhere.... the same place I had spun circles for most of my life.

That fake it till you make it situation showed me that no matter what path your taking in life you don't have all the expertise in the beginning    You must learn.   Pretending that you already know gives you the confidence and passion to take that first step.  Having confidence puts you in a place of being able to ask questions and ask for guidance,  it does for me any ways.  When I feel stupid I just want to cower and hide.  Underneath I felt stupid, but on the outside I was self assured.

Taking this into my life today and back to the original paragraph, I am experiencing an 'act as if' process in my life.    When my previous job ended I spent much time in Prayer.  I know with out a doubt I have good communication with my Higher Power.   During that prayer I felt a deep desire to apply for this specific company within my chosen field of work.  Within days of the job ending I made contact with this employer and set up an interview.  That interview fell through due to scheduling conflicts.  I played a game of chase and tag with the owner of this company for the next two months.

In the meantime I was applying for other jobs and becoming completely discouraged over the lack of productivity that Gods plan was having in my life.  I began doubting my direction.  I lost faith in my Higher Powers ability to take care of me.  Panic and fear started to seed as I began to explore new options.  I lost my confidence to act as if and depression began to threaten to eat me whole.

Finally, Yesterday after a fabulous interview last week I was offered the position God had put in my heart originally.   After I got off the phone with my new employer, I was surprised by how I was feeling.  I lacked excitement.  After all the fear and all the places I applied I finally had a job, yet I could not muster any joy.   

I soon understood, that I always knew I was going to get this job.  The feelings I had were actually feelings of shame for not trusting my higher power to carry my through.  I had just about sabotaged this position.  I had been so frustrated with my lack of understanding that I could not act as if.  I was losing my confidence and my job hunt was suffering because of that. All I could see is all the regrets I had in previous jobs, all my failures and mistakes.  I could only see all the places I had let people down.  By the last day before the job was offered to me, I was completely of the mind set that I was absolutely unhirable.   I lost trust.  I lost faith.

Acting as if has shown me that no matter how large or how small the situation is, by acting like you already own it keeps your mind in a healthy place.  A place of positive dreamscapes and encouraging words.  Losing the As If in our lives takes out the Hope, leaving us with melancholy and despair.

I have hope again today and spent a long time in meditation last night making peace with my higher power.  I feel my spirit coming alive and the nervousness of starting a new job threatening to bring up my yesterdays eats!  Yup Life is Good again!!  Acting as If, back on the agenda as I embark on a new journey and new job!   Fake it till you make it, suckas!

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