Thursday, April 25, 2013
Are You Living YOUR Reality?
It was too hard, too challenging to do the things I knew needed to be done in my life in order for me to truly be happy. I couldn't end my 17 year marriage I had tried for so many years and just could not find the strength to cut the ties that bound me to my ex. So I stayed and tried to manage my misery in secret.... I found relief in the poison from my youth. That escalated until I was using hard drugs and my marriage naturally fell apart from that instead of me having to balls up and own it as my inner desire.
My reality then became pretty dismal because of all the guilt I heaped on myself from not manning up to the ending of our marriage It could have been handled so much more gracefully. Many people got hurt from my lack of courage and integrity in that situation. I made a mess of the already messy life I had.
I was sick and tired of hearing about my responsibility for the reality I created. I was afraid of my thoughts and forced my own inaction. I stayed in my misery even outside of the marriage. Thats when my reality really crashed because I had to face the real truth of the situation. I was the problem not the marriage. I was always the problem not the reality out side of me. The world wasn't shit, I was.
Now that I am working a solid program of recovery and have began to recreate my life. I am creating the reality I had set out to do prior the end of my marriage. Before my crash I could envision what kind of reality I wanted. I started to create that reality but many things had to shift.. including my marriage Today now that I am free of that Vow, I am single and blissfully happy. I am embarking on a career that empowers me and awards me independence. I am raising my second daughter the way I always wanted to my first one. Life is good for me today. I am living the vision I originally had for my life years before the destruction took place.
I don't have any problems with life on life terms, I live with no delusions that life is perfect. I actually welcome the challenges that come my way, for each one I get through I feel stronger and more capable of mastering this world. My reality is finally one that brings me full joy. It took me a very long time to get here though and I am fully aware I have only scaled a few feet of my happiness mountain I am looking forward to just how great the creation of my reality can and will become with the Divine driving my chariot.
How good can your reality get??