Friday, February 1, 2013

Do you let your Trauma's Isolate you?


...'We felt different... Only after surrender are we able to overcome the alienation of addiction.'

Happy February, We made it through another month... Yay!

'Your not unique'  These words ring out in my mind when I read this reading today.  That saying would aggravate the piss out of me when I would hear them.  Yes I am unique, I am different  People are not like me.  These are all the things I would think when I was told I was not unique.  My friend and I have giggled over our thoughts of being from an alien race that was accidentally planted on this ridiculously stupid planet.  We are unique.

It is precisely this thinking that alienates us from everyone else.  For most of us thats completely okay... we don't want to be like you.  Your fucked.  Then we find ourselves loaded and alone, crying about how miserably lonely we are...' no shit, really?'  Even our God swears at us.

Looking at our differences keeps us as addicts and as nations at war with each other.  We all share similar arms, legs, lungs, hearts and minds.  We all were born from an egg and a sperm, we all had to go from a baby stage through adolescence.  We all breath air and drink water.  We are all the same whether we are arrogant about it or not.  And we all have a sob story to tell about our lives.  Thats what makes the human experience what it is.  We didn't land in the rooms of NA because our lives were filled with roses and butterfly's.  Get real.   We all have hardships.

It's through these hardships that we connect to each other.  It's through sharing these hardships that we become stronger.  It's through feeling the pain of another that ours is lessened   Together we stand, alone we fall.  That concept reaches way beyond the borders of NA, it's life.  Within the rooms of NA people get us... it's one of the few places we can completely be ourselves because we all share a commonality... we are junkies.  It doesn't matter how much you smoked or snorted or popped... to a non drug user you are a junkie.  They don't get it.  But we do.  The guy sitting next to you at the meeting tonight, will get it.  The girl speaking about walking out on her kids for a fix and not coming back for three years... will get it.

I write this as the aroma of weed wafts in through my open window and I am brought back to a nostalgia that I know will not be there if I brought that shit into my lungs.  Angry at the person smoking it for not getting the fact that I am an addict and that triggers me and if I use I will be lead back to the pits of hell... how could he be so insensitive   Oh right cause he is not an addict or if he is, in denial, he doesn't have a clue where that will lead me.  But the girl sitting next to me tonight at the meeting will get it.

We are not different in the rooms... we are the exact same.  We are all addicts trying desperately to recover from a seemingly hopeless disease.  We need each other to build a barrier between that hellish world and our new world of live and light.  So stop picking each other apart and stop thinking your better then, because your not.  We need you to be part of the circle, our recovery depends on you holding your part of the chain together  your recovery depends on me holding my part together.

So just for today I will let go of my uniqueness and embrace the principals of recovery I have in common with so many others.  My hardships do not exclude me from recovery: rather they draw me into it.

Thank you for letting me share

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