Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Do YOU have the drive to Keep Coming Back??

....'We are grateful that we were made so welcome at the meetings that we felt comfortable'.

Can you believe it's February 5th already??  Just had to put that out there, reading these meditations daily keep me tapped into how time moves by quickly... a gentle awareness I wanted to share.  Moving on.

Keep coming back.  I hear it at ever single meeting and over the years I have peeled back more layers to the meaning of those three simple words.  I remember my first meeting so clearly like it was yesterday   A co-worker brought me as a guest.  I thought I was going because I was dating a hardcore addict and I wanted to understand him better.  I had no idea I was there for me, even after the meeting I was still in denial I didn't hear anything that applied to me.  Because I wasn't listening.  What I did get out of that meeting though was how friendly everyone was and how welcoming all these super hot guys were with their hugs.... hot damn I loved NA men!

It wasn't long after that when I realized after the hard core addict boyfriend was gone, I was still using and couldn't stop.  I remembered that meeting my friend took me too and thought maybe I would give it another try.  No one approached me this time.  Or the next three times I went.  So I stopped going.

A year later sitting in detox, I was forced to attend a twelve step meeting everyday.  So back in NA I found myself.  This time my detox room mate sat with me and luckily for me she was a lifer in the program and knew the drill.... really well.  She handed me a pre-amble and told me I had to read one at every meeting because it got people used to putting a name to my face.  She was right people came up and talked to me at half time and addressed me by name.   She also introduced me to her previous sponsor and pretty much forced me to sign on with her, even though I didn't feel ready for all this.

Thats when my life really changed.  My sponsor loved me so fully and held on to me so tight that I finally found some solid footing after years of slipping and falling further down the rabbit hole.   Keep coming back is what I practiced.  Even though for many meetings I wasn't welcomed and I slipped further away, my higher power kept bringing me back and lined it up perfectly for me, only because I was still willing to keep coming back.

Our recovery is our own responsibility,  but all we need to do is take the steps we can manage.  I did nothing to get my first sponsor, it was taken care of for me.  I just needed to take the small step to come to a few meetings.  I needed to take the small step through the doors of detox.  I needed to take but a single step to my future and spirit whisked me the rest of the way.

It is time now for me to give back what was so freely given to me.  I have attended enough meetings where I did not reach out to that new face in the room, but now I must because memories of how desperately I wanted someone to say hi to me during those meetings when nobody did now rings in my heart and the gratitude for the people that did reach out is overwhelming me right now.

So Just for today I remember the welcome I was given when I first came into NA.  Today, I will express my gratitude by offering a hug to a newcomer.

Thank you for letting me share, I am a recovering addict named Arial.

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