Sunday, February 3, 2013
I Need YOU, Do you Need me?
I am closed minded. Writing that stings a little bit.
I read the reading in a new way that I have shared here already, I am going to share it again though because it's that new found way of reading that has opened my mind to how closed my mind really is. I read the meditation three times now and pause in between each read to let it sink into my heart. The first read goes into my mind as it normally would. I pick apart my experiences with the reading and logically process what I want to share about the reading. This meditation there was nothing that stood out.... it didn't apply to me.
The second reading I opened my heart and read it through there instead of my head and I felt some twinges of yuck come up. When I sat with it after I had images of other middle class people in the room and my dislike for them. The third reading brought up my love for the hardcore bottom of the barrel junkies that come into the room needing just a shred of love. Thats where the reading began to hit home for me and I realized it did apply to me.
I can find love in my heart for the people that outwardly look like they need it. The ones that have hit a bottom so low that I cant even imagine it, but have been taught from a young age to reach out and help these people... the people less fortunate then me. Thats my closed mind pretending that it's open. To open my mind I need to see that the people that come into the rooms with decent clothes and higher bottoms then me still need the same amount of love.
Instead of feeling love for the people who haven't become desolate I compare myself with them, I get in competition with them in my mind. Rating how bad they have it to how bad I have it. This goes back to the reading about sharing our hardships instead of alienating ourselves because of them. We are all in the rooms because our bottoms destroyed our hearts and we need your love to help rebuild them.
So no matter where you come from in life, while in the rooms you are no better or no less then the guy next to you. I need to open my mind to all walks of life as well as an understanding that every ones defects serve to teach me something about my own and passing judgment on them closes my mind to my own learning and understanding.
So Just for Today I know that the more diverse my groups experience is the better able my group will be to offer me support in the different circumstances I find myself facing. today I welcome addicts from all backgrounds to my home group.
Thank you for letting me share