I was taught a new way to read and absorb a daily meditation last night at a workshop I attended put on by one of the women in the fellowship with over fifteen years clean. She taught us to read the meditation three times and pause for a few minutes in between each read and let the meditation absorb deep into our bodies.
I love to meditate and have been practicing many different forms of it for well over ten years, but whenever I was placed with a book that claimed to be about daily meditations I never really got it. Reading a page daily found me a bit of inspiration but never anything that sent me to the moon the way my Oracle cards do.
With the Just for Today daily meditation book of Narcotics Anonymous, I would read it and pick apart my experiences and how they compared and then share what my mind came up with. Last night I had one of those spiritual awakenings the program speaks so much about during the mediation for January 26th.
A line in this reading states,'Our self-centered minds believe they are capable of getting everything they want....'. Still acting from a place of old self prior to awakening, I picked this line to share about because I could relate to it on a personal level. That is me for sure, I am always thinking I am grander and more talented then I really am. This society pushes for us to reach for our dreams and work hard for them and that just fuels my desire to go for dreams that do not fit me nor am I capable of. I recently just realized I am much more content raising my daughter and living a simple life and that is quickly growing into a beautiful dream for me. I am tired of striving for dreams that are just formulated to prove my self worth.
Today I am awakened to an new level of understanding.
The second time the reading was read I was faced with the wondering...is my mind the self centered part of me and my heart actually being the part that I was to live from? As I seemed to have received the reading the second time around from my heart and not my head. I was then reminded of the 'I Can Do It' conference I had attended last year with a whole whack of spiritual holistic healers that spent the entire weekend teaching three thousand people to make the journey from there heads to their hearts.
18 inches is the longest and toughest journey you will ever take, they preached at this conference. Finally something clicked in me and by the third time she read the reading I understood how to move out of my self centeredness and into God centeredness.
Slow down and let information process through my heart and not my head. Breath in what people are saying. Let actions seep into your soul instead of referencing everything from your logical mind. The mind will always be self centered no matter what, but when you bring it through your heart it will be received in love and you will be guided by love instead of your overzealous head.
How do you do this you ask? Work the twelve steps and pay particular attention to step 11. But even just in this moment now stop what your doing and feel your body. Close your eyes and let all focus move into your body. Feel your chest cavity, ask your higher power to fill you up with some love and pay attention to where that feeling is in your body. Once you have that feeling hold it. Open your eye's and now read your daily mediation. Pretend like your higher power is reading to you, the words are directly from them and you receive it in your heart not head. At the end of the reading close your eye's and bring yourself back to the feeling in your chest cavity or where you felt the divine love filter into your body. Do this three times and by the end you should be feeling something and if not.... Don't stop until the miracle happens, try again with tomorrows meditation.
The conference may not have reached me but the Twelve steps did and they can too for you if you work them to the best of YOUR ability. Some people need to work the steps several times to finally fully understand. I worked step 1-3, 3x before I made it all the way to 12 without stopping. I am grateful I got it and now can share it.
So just for Today My guidance and my strength comes from my Higher Power, not from my own self. I will practice the Twelve Steps to become more God-centered and less self-centered.
May 15th, 2014 ****
I wrote this a year and a half ago. I thoroughly enjoy watching how much I have grown and changed since then. I can also see a difference in the way i write and present myself. This is thrilling for me. But I wanted to add to this post current understandings on this topic.
Learning what your good at takes practice and a connection to your higher self. How can you know what you like if you don't know yourself?? Life has so many distractions to keep us from truly hearing our own inner voices. How do we know our higher powers desires when we are so conditioned to follow our ego's??
I relate it well to a romantic relationship that is being forced and not meant to be even if there are feelings of thrill involved. In many relationships I see unfolding around me if their was a level of self honesty involved people would know that the lust they feel was just distracting infatuation. Their intuition would be sparking them to this knowledge. i know romance right now in my life is not my path, but I force it anyways. Because i have free will and can.
I love being outdoors but that does not make me a good landscaper. I love creating landscapes but lack the patience to actually put the work into making them of good quality. I have no desire to cultivate the patience. Its not my passion, Hypnotherapy is. Astrology is. I am learning today what I am and am not good at and what my real dreams are and what they are not. We can manifest anything we want, we have free will. but it doesn't mean we are good at it. Some actors never become great because its not their true passion, some people make lousy product even though they love making it... it is just meant for a personal hobby maybe and not a business. We are always striving for the top and not all of us can sit there, some people need to be the strong foundation at the bottom and some people the builders in the middle and thats okay. Being true to ourselves and following our god-centerdness is the way we find where we fit into the puzzle of life. We all have a part to play in the web.