The day after I closed the door on a frequency no longer resonating with me, I received closure not only in that area, but another one nagging me for a very long time. Deciding to leave NA somehow brought a silence to the demons in my head constantly reminding me of my failure in the weight loss industry.
How? Scratching my head I wondered... I am surprised I am not bald with all the head scratching I do....or have a dented scalp with the banging that frequently happens too. lol
It was the day after I made it official in my mind, by writing it out here, to move away from my twelve step fellowship. That a coworker from the weight loss industry tagged me in a status connecting me with everyone involved in that time of my life. Connection and Communication silenced the demons by powering up the light. My negative beliefs around the events leading to my fall from grace vanished one by one instantly with each person I talked to.
I was amazed.
I am still unsure how everything is connected. What seemed like a completely separate issue plaguing me was vaporized within 24 hours of making a decision in what seemed like a totally different area of my life.
Energy and focus is what comes out of my head scratching on this one. I seem to have this limited amount of energy. Which this thought goes against my past beliefs that energy is infinite. Maybe it's just focus then. Maybe I can only have focus in one area at a time.
With having a year clean and no longer needing that focus to stay clean my path was cleared to focus on something new. This is where I question the validity of relapse in the second year as a popular notion within the rooms. Maybe relapse comes from the person not moving forward, thus moving backwards. I personally do not believe any part of life needs to be hard work.
If you have to bust your balls at it, your on the wrong path.
Of course this is my point of view. We all create our own realities and live from our own frequencies. I am not advocating everyone slam the doors to areas of their lives that they are not happy with right now. Life is not always a bowl of roses. I can recognize when it's time for me to move on, from experience and connection to my higher power. I am learning to stand in my truth which is not easy, but not a ball buster either.
Going against popular belief is not an enjoyable experience. The rewards however are well worth the sacrifice.
.....and let me tell you about more sacrifice and rewards that are shaping up in my life right now. I have taken a crazy bold step into my future and it's scaring the poop out of me!! This is what I call the work in my life now...taking that first step. Drunvelo Melchizedek says the first step is about three feet high and then all the rest are easy. I couldn't agree more. I just took a giant leap of faith and am mildly vomiting in my mouth now.
I enrolled into an 8 month intensive course on HypnoTherapy.
ooohhhhh...... ahhhh..... Gasps abound. Shock reverberates through the readers...
Okay fine! Maybe that's an exaggeration. But, boy oh boy, does it ever feel like that in my little world. Why does it feel so scary to me you ask? I know your longing to have that answer.... lol Well let me share that with you then.
I have wanted to take this course for years now. I have researched it and researched it again. Many times I have almost signed up. There was always something stopping me though. It was too expensive. I didn't have the time. I couldn't get to the City hosting it. I was too sick/tired/high. Always something seemed to block me. I see now I just wasn't ready yet. I was to afraid to climb that first three foot step.
At the beginning of this past week as the Moon sat contently in her Newness I found myself thinking about what I wanted to create now. With the energy of the planet I too was ready to embark upon another journey across the sky. But what?
I was clearing my clients driveways of snow at five am in the utter peacefulness of the land. When the thought of hypnosis kept nagging me. Interrupting my peace. This is how I receive my guidance. In meditation those thoughts that repeat and wont go away are my higher voice. I can hear this voice only after much daily practice of quieting the monkey mind. Well worth the 'work'.
So heeding the voice I researched courses, once again. Like for the hundredth time in my life. It was the second course I found online that had this crazy resonance with me. My spidey senses where on overdrive as I read page after page of knowledge that I already had understandings too. I watched youtube video after video to get a feel of the teacher and instantly like the frequency he was on. There was absolutely no hesitation to contact him.
His response was simultaneous. Like he was just sitting there waiting for Me specifically to contact him. With 24 hours I was on the phone with him. The talk was animated. I felt like I was connecting with someone from home. The general feel of the call was.... finally she is ready! I really did feel like he had been waiting for me forever. .......My point of view... whatevs, I like it.
Within an hour of speaking with the developer of the course I was signed up and had my first module. The speed of light!!
It was then that I found the realization of the magnitude of what I just took on, to sink in. I was really doing it. I was really embarking on a path I have been skirting for way too many years to count. I was going to take my love for meditation to a whole new level. I was taking the first step of my dream to get on a stage to motivate the masses into a better life! I was really doing it. Creating the future I have always seen myself in.
I had to call a friend. I had to lower my cresting wave of energy before it set into panic and I sabotaged the entire project. Laughing a lot my two beloved mentors on the other end of the phone verified my 'finally she's getting it' energy. What they have known for years was finally just starting to dawn in me. I love those supports in your life that hold a vibration for you until your ready to step into it. These women have been holding it for over ten years now.... and they never gave up on me and my butterfly ways.
I am truly ready to step into my future. As I write that I can feel my belly get hot. My cauldron center boils, I am pregnant with a new adventure! Tears spring to my eye's with the connection to my soul. I AM finally becoming.... ME.