You might have to bare with me this post as I work through some knowledge that is just budding as understanding. Defining when I am asleep and when I am awake is where my mind has been most active today.
My blog is about Ascension. Waking up to the reality or truth of who I AM. Yet it feels like I am falling asleep more then I am waking up. I guess defining what it even means to be asleep or awake is where I should start huh?
When I speak about waking up, it's metaphorically of course. To be awake is to be deeply aware of who you are and to stand in that truth. To be awake is to be moving forward on your personal growth.
To be asleep is to be living life by other peoples dictations. To live on auto pilot. To follow the crowd absentmindedly because it doesn't matter to you. One is asleep if they lack energy to follow their passions. Asleep people sometimes are in such a deep coma that they don't even know what there passions are, they are in denial of being asleep. Asleep people sometimes convince themselves they are happy and this is the life they want. I think some people are not even meant to wake up this lifetime, or right now and that's okay. To be asleep is ignorant bliss and there are many days I would like to be there again.... hence my constant threat of willing myself back to sleep.
I don't know how you tell if your asleep or not. I know for me I just felt like I was not living up to my full potential. I felt that there was just way more to life then what I was experiencing. I knew in my heart I was not fully happy and satisfied but I had no idea how to get to that happy. I followed all society's rules and guidance and felt worse and worse, like I was a leper and didn't fit in. I had these secret dreams and passions that I just couldn't seem to tell people about, let alone pursue.
It wasn't until I began peeling away what didn't feel right and began following what felt good that I began to awake. I swung the pendulum to far to the feel good side and ended in addiction because of it, but I wonder sometimes if that wasn't part of my Ascension journey. Can't fully embrace the light without understanding its counter balance, darkness. But I digress....
I am just learning to identify what keeps me asleep. Taking this hypnotherapy course is already starting to ding some bells in my little brain. Societal hypnosis is a very real thing. To follow the masses is almost like a drug that we become all to comfortable buying into. I will get back to this though.
I always knew that food was a sleeping agent for me. When I overeat, or eat lots of starches and sugars, I begin to fall into a hypnotic state of mind. I become to tired to do anything, let alone actively pursue my passions. Food induces a coma for me. I just want to sit, watch TV and eat. Weed induced that same coma state. I am reading lots on the chemicals put in our drinking water, into our coffee's and all matter of sorts in our foods. These toxins keep us doped up and unable to move into the truth's of ourselves.
Why is that so? I remember when my son was very ill when he was a toddler. He called for me in his delirious state and when I went to him, I felt chills run through my body upon looking into his eyes. They were pure black and completely void of him. It was like he was just a functioning body with no soul in there. It was so unnerving that I called my mentor to talk it out. Her being a holistic healer explained to me how the soul leaves the body when it's in danger. Being harmed and being very sick, the soul checks out. Right now we are very sick people, putting rat poisons and other toxins in our bodies on a daily basis's.
How can you be awake when your soul can't stomach the harm your doing to yourself?
I am starting to realize how much the collective consciousness actually keeps me asleep as well. I have said it a million times, you become like the five closest people to you. This is an example of this. What you associate with is the energy you will embody. People that are asleep will work hard to keep you asleep, not that they will be aware of it, but it's an energetic reality. But what about the media?
Media... what you watch, what you fill your mind with is as equally toxic as what you put into your body through your mouth. I am sure we are all aware of this by now. I learned on a deeper level when i lost all my weight how true this is for the community as a whole.
I was treated way differently as a 'skinny' person then I was as big lady. Even though I didn't buy into the stereo type of woman's barbie bodies I realized that the majority of people around me did. It became increasingly difficult not to get caught up in the flow of the actions around me. It felt good. Today however I have settled down to that reality and am kinda disgusted with the way media leads us like cattle through the streets.
When we buy in to media we connect to a collective thought and it is through that thought that we are hypnotized. I am not saying all media is like this, but much of it out there is meant to keep you in a trance and dancing like a government controlled puppet.
It's much much easier to follow the masses when you have no idea who you are. When we came into the world we were connected to our souls and knew who we were. We were not afraid to ask for what we needed and made our presence known to the people around us. Where along the line do we fall asleep? Do we all fall asleep or do some of us maintain our awakened state? These people that maintain it, are they confused about this movement of awakening? Does trauma cause our souls to abandon ship? Is awakening for the broken person a soul retrieval? Can someone who has not experienced trauma still push their souls away by media following alone, by toxic ingestion alone?
Why do people choose to stay asleep or when they wake up, why do they so quickly put themselves back in slumber? This is where I am at now. It seems so much easier just to give in to my desire to do nothing and sleep. To just float along in life and give nothing more then my 10 percent and get my 20 back. It seems so much more acceptable to watch breaking bad and joke about the mayor that smoked crack. No one faults me for eating that chocolate cake the other day, they actually laugh and share their over eating stories with me, welcoming me to the 'club'. Such a connection I have to the world around me when I stay asleep.
That's not what I want however. I want a connection to my soul. I want to become all that I can be and live my dreams. I want to feel a state of internal bliss everyday of my life. I want to experience real love, cosmic love. I want to create a reality so grand that even I am amazed everyday I wake up. Does this all sound far fetched to you? Unachievable?
Wells it's not. I have experienced all of that and more. The issue is that I have yet to experience it all, all of the time. I have had tastes of it here and there. I remember for a solid year bouncing out of bed, unbelieving that I was getting paid to do a job I loved so much that it didn't even feel like work. During a meditation once I had a full body orgasm that I can't even begin to describe. I have been on stage in front of 700 people sharing my story and motivating them. I have done all those things in the above paragraph. I just have yet to maintain it. Because I always fall back asleep...
The culprit.... Sex, men and romance. It's always my demise. The world tells me I am nothing without a man. The only people telling me otherwise are older women without men in their lives. I always fall back under the hypnotic trance when I listen to songs like 'Guerrilla' over and over again on the top forty station I love. After a few weeks of hearing a particular trance inducing song, my mind starts to form thoughts and actions soon follow. This goes back to when our parents told us not to listen to the devils music. They were on to something, they new the hypnotic trance it puts us under, what it feeds is our subconscious mind. The weak, insecure mind feeds off this power and asleep she goes. Asleep I go.....
Well awareness is key right?? I wont let myself fall asleep this time. I am about to embark on my dreams for the very real time, this time. I need to 'work' at keeping myself awake. I have to push through the uncomfortable bubble into my truth and stand up in that. A christian song today reminded me to Give it to God.... THEN walk in it. It's time to woMAN up!!