I am passionate about my misery right now. Which falls under my detox No-No's. I am trying to reset my dopamine and to learn to live in a more balanced state of being. I am not in balance I am in a low. Not depression, but full on theatrical misery. A temper tantrum hissy fit! I have had to give up everything I have loved until this point in my life. Of course the things I loved were and are toxic for my body and life, but none the less I loved them.
But that was yesterday!! Clicking along at my steady erratic pace.......
Today on day seven of The Master Cleanse I feel so empowered. I feel motivated and have a clearer mind then I have in a very long time. This is the part of addiction recovery that I love. The head clearing phase. Its in this phase that my awareness becomes acute and my ability to take action is heightened.
So what am I learning right now?
I never follow through on anything!! I let complacency get the best of me. Or I sabotage. Getting over the hump of this fast has shown me how close I really was to quitting two days ago. I had every rationalization to stop and begin to blend into the fruits and vegetable cleanse I have planned after this detox cleanse. I did have insane cravings for Doritos(which is odd cause I never eat them), but it wasn't that kind of food I wanted to go back to I tried to justify the transition already planned a few days early. And by a few days I do mean half way point.
My daughter convinced me to stay moving forward on the fast as I was still seeing some incredible detox benefits from it. My tongue is as white as snow. No joke. Apparently toxins come out your tongue. My skin is amazingly clear, I even think some freckles have faded, for real. I have lost a good deal of weight already and well now today my energy levels are on the rise...... which is so good cause my energy was tanking hard before the fast. I am glad she motivated me to continue.
Scrubbing a tough patch off an oven this morning, I was reminded of how quickly I give up on things. If I don't see instant results I am out. Simple. No questions, just done. Or if I have to push through I do so indignant and frustrated and normally fail at the pursuit due to my attitude. I scrubbed that oven and when I started to see some good results of my work I felt vindicated. That motivated me to continue even through the tough moments that followed.
Scrubbing the oven was very much like this fast. I know there will be another hurtle or two to jump before I cross the finish line, but I am much more motivated now to follow through. Its this follow through that I need to carry to the rest of my life. Its when i quit half way through that I miss the light at the end of the tunnel, opting instead to stay in the dark.
When I landed the best job of my life so far, I was meditating daily. I was connecting with my higher power. I was practicing self care to the best of my ability then. I was activily doing my part in the co-creation process. Then within a year of landing said dream job, I stopped meditating. I stopped self care. I stopped actively doing my part. And well you know how this story goes... said dream job ended.
In the twelve step program complacency is a big word that is a hot topic of discussion. When we become complacent in our responsibilities the universe has no choice but to mirror your actions. Thats all the universe is, a mirror. Law of attraction number one... what you put out comes back to you. You get lazy, so does your God.
I get lazy. I self sabotage by not following through on my own self care. That is what I am learning today. I know I have spoke about this so so so much in this blog. And its a concept I have already chewed several times. But I guess I haven't fully digested it yet. A human complicating simple concepts I am with my over analytical brain always looking for a new fresh trail to blaze just so I can by pass complacency.
Lesson is.... I need to stick with my daily meditations, my connection with my higher self and my self care. No matter how good it gets. ..........That is of course once I start them again. lol. Come now, who meditates in misery? As if.