Sunday, July 28, 2013

Step 1, 2,3,11... Repeat!

Bide the Law ye must
In perfect Love and Perfect Trust
Eight words this Rede fulfill
'An ye harm none, do as ye will'
Ever mind the rule of three
What ye send out comes back to thee
Follow this with mind and heart
And merry meet and merry part.

I have known  of this rede for many years.  I have claimed to live by it for most of those years.  Just recently however I became aware I lacked true understanding of the meaning behind the words.

My lesson to learn recently has been about the impact of my decisions on the people and thus the world around me.  Coming from that place of my selfish inner six year old, I was unable to see beyond my nose.  I acted in a way always that suited my needs of the moment and didn't even consider that there may be people outside my realm that would be effected by meeting my needs, wants... needs.

Dont get me wrong I am not a fool, my momma taught me to be concerned for others.  It's not like I didnt know I could hurt others... duh, I understood that.  What I couldnt see is how a selfish choice that seemingly only effected me and another person actually started a domino effect in my little realm.

Always weighing the consequence of my decisions I tend to make sure the people directly involved with my choices are brought into the realm of my understanding.  What I am learning today is that my realm is very small.  In the selfish nature of my addict I tend to want what I want right now and will tunnel vision to get it. 

The part of the above Rede that I claim to live by that has me sitting in some of my shit is...'An ye harm none, do as ye will'.   In the past this fed my selfish nature as I was unable to see how I hurt people with my actions.  Today it is becoming blaringly clear how my actions have far reaching ripple effects and that harm none has a wider span now.   This is where humility enters.  To know that each action I take will directly and indirectly create a ripple in the pond of my reality and those realities of the people in the pond with me.

Where I once seen only those directly infront of me, I can now see those to each side, and behind me.  I never seen her coming at me but now I can feel every movement behind me because of that missed awareness before.  I am highly attuned to all actions of those around me now and this brings me out of my tunnel vision back into the realm of community.  Obsession creates the tunnel, choices made in obsession bring harm.

'What ye send out comes back to thee'  claims the law of three.  I do not have the option any more to  send out negative energy.  It is like a boom-a-rang, super fast and fucking painful when it smacks me in the face.  So why would I even want to go to these harmful negative places in the first place?  That is the question that mildly haunts me.  I say mildly because I am begining to understand that I won't always receive all the answers to my life questions.  Cunning, baffling and powerful is  the disease of obsession and compulsion. 

I am  back in the light today and walking with the Goddess energy of Quan Yin and feel tremendous gratitude for my life and my higher powers.  I can see clearly now where I went off course recently and all the warnings begining with whispers escalating to screams from my gaurdian spirits.  The next time my intuition will be recognized quicker and I will hopefully steer clear of the impending danger.

All this criptic talk and spiritual energy comes from the place of inner sactuary that I am sitting in right now.  Letting go of  this past hurt has been a peeling of the layers, physical... followed by mental and today in the spiritual.   I think for me I always stop or get stuck in the mental and stay repeating the cycles.  As I sit in deep meditation as the 11 step teaches us I am gifted with deeper understandings to let go entirely my hurts and hang ups of the now passing process in my life.

Merry meet and merry part, all beings and situations that bring me to higher levels of awareness and consiousness.  This is what the program of the twelve steps has gifted me... simple steps to walk up to become a better person.  A less selfish and more community minded person. 

An odd ramble for today....  I blame it on a 60 hour work week and way way too much sugar in my system.

Love to you all, until next week stay clean.

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