Thursday, June 25, 2015

Everyone Needs a Community.


What we cant do alone,  we can do together.

I am so grateful for my understanding of the power community holds.    If it wasn't for my one friend that completely scooped me up and flew me to safety, I am not sure of the struggle I would be in right now.   I have some good ideas but not sure I wanna explore them all that much today.

My heart instead is on my love of my support group.  A support group I have worked hard to build.  I have some of the most amazing,  closest friends a girl could ask for.   When I landed in detox last summer if it wasn't for a dear good friend of mine from NA, I am not sure I would have even made it into detox.  She just took control of my life when I no longer had any strength too.   I will forever be grateful to her.  She is a solid support I have put in to place.

A male friend of mine.... which is the largest oxy moron this blog has ever seen.  Yes, I did say male friend.  And I gotta say, its not at all what I expected being a friend with the opposite sex to be like. ....but,  I think that might be for another post though, I need to stay focused on my point...


If the newest member of my solid support team didn't fly in like an eagle and rescue my sorry ass from yet another devastating situation I had created, I really don't know where I would be.  Actually, I totally do know and even though I am not gonna explore it, I would be doing myself a disservice by not paying homage to my bottom.

Thank Goddess,  its not where I am at today.  My bottom is much, much higher..... but ....I got screwed outta the feelings get less intense at this bottom, bottom!!!  They might be worse actually now that  I don't have all my old fall backs to get me through.

Learning a new way to deal.... hard.   And going through feelings without the old aids..... hard.

I am grateful however.... bringing it back to connection... .    That I have these amazing supports in my life.   I have built trust and respect with them,  that when they step into my life when I most need them too but don't even have the strength to ask, I willing let them.   Because I know they will make my life easier, peaceful and return balance to me now that I have truly lost my way.

Humbling being taken care of so fully by another human being.

My light is on the way up and I am starting to feel human again.  Being around people that fill up my heart and my spirit with energy is what the saying at the top of the blog is about.   We can do together what we cannot do alone.

 I could not relight my own spirit... isolation keeps me bound in my own head.  My head in that state cannot be positive as there is no energy to do such, I am burnt out, sick.   Being around positive energy filled.....Healthy....people is what fills me back up.   (surprisingly not the 25 year old  250 lb firecracker???)))

I had dinner with my mom last night.   It felt good to reconnect with my own roots.  Whenever my life goes sideways its my mom I cut off of first.  Isn't that like cutting yourself off at the knees??  My mom is a different kind of support that I couldn't acknowledge until recently.  Not until I was forced recently to redesign my belief around men and specifically what love looks like with a male, was I able to look at my relationship with my mom in a new way.

I don't think I can say it enough right now.   I am grateful to the people in my life today that are lifting me back up, even after I was warned repeatedly not to follow that path.   That too me, is unconditional love.  I have ample unconditional love in my life.  I was always just to angry to see it.

I am grateful today that the anger has lifted..... for now.  lol ish.

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