Learning to Live in a Higher Power

When we begin to really work a program of recovery and things start to click and miracles begin to happen we find we can no longer live the way we used to.   This has provided some tough decisions and harsh realizations for me.

Recently I acquired a little dog from a friend.  Earlier in the month I had actually prayed for a little dog that was apartment compatible.   So when this opportunity presented itself I jumped all over it.  except this stupid program of living an honest life wrecked my joy of having a new addition to our family.  You see I am not allowed to have pets where I live.

I could not get past that no matter how I approached the situation in my mind.  I was breaking rules and i was lying.  I just couldn't do it.  To add salt to the wound I was creating I was also teaching my 12 year old daughter to lie and be sneaking around property managers.  What anxiety this created in my world for the few days I had him.  The program gave me peace and serenity, my decision to break that was too uncomfortable for me.  The dog went to a new home.

Now that i spend more time in MY higher Power, I cannot live and do things that I could when I functioned from my Lower power.  I cannot bend the rules any more.  Not those kind of rules any ways    Functioning from a place of this higher power comes from building a relationship with yourself.  I had a tough lesson in learning myself through this situation.  I wanted a Dog, but am not in a position to have one.  Not only that I realized that once I did get the dog the work that when in to caring for him was far greater then I was willing to give.  I wanted the cuddles but forgot the exchange that would be involved.

I learned that I am just learning to take care of myself and my daughter.  Adding on to this right now is detrimental to my own growth and my higher power will fade when I place anything before the developing of that relationship.  It is not fully established nor at full strength yet.  I am sure I am looking at years before that is the case.  The dog taught me this lesson and I am grateful for that.  I am also happy that I caught it fast enough and was able to reverse the situation and provide damage control before it created some big messes in my life.

Living from a place of my higher power has provided me a peace and serenity that I am becoming less and less willing to upset.  following the rules of the universe are becoming a joyful process of learning... not the rebelious disgust they used to be.  Life is good on this side of the light.