I know that the holiday that over takes my culture is upon us. Being sensitive to the energies around me I can feel the elevated happiness as well as the elevated stress levels. I have not learned how to block this out yet. I can't seem to hold my attention long enough to practice any of the techniques I know would ease my energy fluctuations. Is that the part of me, the fear part of me that wants to take advantage of the situation and play sabotage?
You know, I have been listening to Alan Watts on youtube and he made it so simple for me that I think my life would become boring if I were to focus on his simplicity of life. He made a statement about how us humans complicate everything with our own thoughts. I agree that my over active imagination definitely does spin my logic upside down causing my Virgo analytical mind to implode on what can be a daily basis for me. But where would I be without that trait? Boring.
Living through pure instinct is what I desire in my world. One of the things I heard much of in the rooms of NA was how the drug brought us to animalistic levels of existence. Eating out of dumpsters to survive. That level of desire to live is the intuitive nature that I seek. I obviously do not want to have to eat out of dumpsters and thief my way to it though. I would love for my mind to just slow down and let my instincts rule my world.
I have wonderful role models in my life that do live from this place of intuition. A few of my friends even go against societal norms to follow some of their intuitions. So I am blessed with a path being paved to a simpler easier way of life. Why do I struggle to take it though. Why do I desperately want to 'figure' things out? What would I write about if I wasn't trying to understand everything?
I have way more questions in my current state of manifestation then I do answers. Like should I go to work today or not? My son is here visiting, whom I haven't spent time with in a long time, but I need to make a paycheck. But they are calling for lots of snow right after Xmas. All these decisions to make. All these questions to answer. My life would be so much simpler if I just got out of my head and into my heart.
Don't you think?
Does it dizzy you to read my writing sometimes? It dizzies me to go back and read it sometimes. This one will for sure dizzy me. I think I only wrote today to suggest you read yesterdays post. I couldn't link it to facebook because the picture was cropped too suggestively and I can't figure out how to change that...yet.
I want this blog to be real. I don't want a blog full of get out of your shitty feelings modalities. I want to share that shitty feelings are normal and even healthy. Sitting in them and creating illness in the body is not healthy, but accepting them as a part of who you are is healthy. I have run from my shadow side for so long that it is almost painful to accept it as part of me.
Anyways. I have no idea what this post was meant to accomplish. Just a rambling for today I guess. I am planning on writing up an new page at the top of this one, beside the who am I page. About what addiction is. In the future I plan to write one about Ascension as well. I encourage you to check those pages out as well.
Peace Out my friends. And Merry Christmas to those who practice that faith. Happy solstice that just past to those who participate in that. And Happy Hanukkah to those that play there. And happy whatever you believe at this time of the year, or not believe.... Peace to All.
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