Identification was the first shocking experience I had in the twelve step fellowship. I speak of spiritual awakenings and how my first was during step one. Although that was a mighty big one, thinking about it now, I am more inclined to think identification was the first true one.
Realizing that there were people out there like me. My whole life I felt like the odd one out, nobody ever understood me or the things I did. I didn't understand me. Then I found the fellowship and suddenly everyone understood me and I them. The sheer relief I felt when I came into the rooms was overwhelming.
What Identification gave me was a sense of belonging that went much deeper then my blood family. I felt normal amongst the unnormal. I felt for the first time in my life I could say and do what I really felt and not get a sideways look from the other person. I shared my dark secrets only to find out others had those same secrets. For the first time in my life I began to not be afraid to speak about what was in my mind and on my heart. I felt safe. Identification gave me a sense of safety.
I believe we all need to feel like we belong somewhere that is why there are so many groups out there that you can join. Why Churches are so popular. We all need to feel like we are part of a community. Like minded community. The twelve step fellowship is my like minded community and I love each person in that community like they were my own blood sisters and brothers.
It is only through identification that I have been able to find my own individual identity. Where I have felt safe and nurtured to begin to grow into the person that I have the potential of becoming. It was through knowing that I am not alone, that we are all connected. I can see myself in others and others in myself and this helps me feel the positive energy that lifts us all up as a group.
When I came into the fellowship I was reading a book that was telling the story of the Ugly duckling. Today I feel that story coming alive in my life. I lived my whole life trying to be something that I wasn't. I tried so hard to fit into all these different categories and boxes that my family and friends had placed around me. I just wanted to be normal like everyone else, to stop my brain from thinking the way it did. But I couldn't be that ugly duckling that everyone expected me to be. When I came into the rooms I realized why. I wasn't an ugly duckling, I was a Swan.
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