Feelings are something i am just learning to allow into my life now. Since getting clean i have used food, sex and romantic relationships to cover my feelings of the moment. Recently i have experienced a job loss and today as i write this i am unemployed with no support income of any sort lined up yet.
Can you say freaked out?
That was in my past though because right now I am not freaked out. I am somewhat enjoying the process of letting the feelings come up, because my step 11 is so powerful in my life today that i know as soon as i enter my meditative state all current feelings melt into serenity. I can almost understand the larger picture of the situation I am in and that softens any feelings i have of the situation.
This of course is not before i tried to stuff my fear with food and found i couldnt go there anymore now that i was aware of my pattern in this area. Next thing i experienced is a call from my ex boyfriend, a man i have been ignoring his attempts at contact via email. I caved the dAy i lost my job. It didnt take long during the phone call to realize i again was just trying to get out of my feelings and current situation. So i sent him on his way in love and i went back to my feelings and my unstable situation.
This program has taught me how to trust myself to take care of my own life through the guidance of my higher power. I may be unemployed and single, but i am in touch with who i am and i am clean on all levels. Because of this i trust fully that the perfect job is being lined up for me now and the pefect man will come along when i am ready. And of course by perfect i meAn equal assets and defects.
So just for today i will demonstrate my trust in god by experiencing this day just as it is.
Thank you for letting me share, i am a recovering addict named brAndy.
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