3 Paths to Personal Power

Why do I beat myself up so much?   I slept in this morning.  Why do I always feel so let down when I sleep in?  I know its my favorite time of the day.  Before the world wakes up it's so peaceful.  I write the best during that time.  These are the reasons why I beat myself up, but can I not allow myself one days grace to sleep in and enjoy the comforts of my bed until after the sun rises?  Can I not allow myself to get up with the rest of the world?

This crazy level of expectation of myself and God's will for my life is what I want to discuss today.  I have been challenged this week to stand in my truth.  The truth of my being and I have become aware of just how difficult it is for me to be true to myself and move away from societies expectations of me... and my own expectations of me.

There are so many avenues I could go with this topic, however I want to try to keep the avenues to culd-u-sacs to back the point I am trying to make.  I am definitely one for very quick digression so I am forewarning an apology if that happens.

Recently I made a decision to move away from a body of people and a program of recovery that I strongly feel no longer serves it's purpose in my life.  It was a very tough decision to make for me because it went against what I was taught to believe.  I cannot explain in detail how or why I made that decision as I am learning that our own higher powers work differently for each of us.  I just know without a shred of doubt it was the move I needed to make.

So why then when people challenge me on it, do I quiver and shake in my boots?  If there is no doubt in the decision, where does the fear of their accusations weigh on me like a tonne of bricks?

This is where the culd-a-sac's form, so bare with me.  Power is one culprit that wreaks havoc in my world.  Learning to stand in my own power and trust that my power is strong, true and worthy has been a difficult journey.  I am used to giving my power away.  Not so much to women but most definitely to men.  When a man questions me I am left second guessing myself.  Looking over my recent history with men I find pure disgust attached to the memories of where I allowed them to walk me because of my inability to stand in my truth.

I am learning to hold my power in the face of men.  I can say No and still be respected.  I can say I don't want to walk that way and hold on to my original plans.   In my past power outages with men I was so easily lead off course and today I find that I am standing more firmly in my resolves.

Let me drive out of that culd-a-sac before it becomes the freeway that it could be.

So making a decision and standing in the power of that in the face of a Male has been one challenge that I overcame this week.  I feel better and stronger after thinking about what he had to say and still concluding that this is the path for me.  I didn't feel the need to defend but I did want him to understand where I was coming from.

That is the second culdesac I want to drive down... Peoples Perspectives

Last night my eldest daughter got in pretty late.  When I heard her I felt disappointed that she had been out at the bar.  Quickly however I reminded myself that she hasn't been out to a bar in several weekends, Halloween I think being the last time.  It also dawned on me that she doesn't go out on the balcony before bed anymore and I have not smelled weed in the house for..... a long time.  So why was I agitated?

As I listened I could hear her and a boy giggling and flirting right below my bedroom window.  A sick rock dropped in my belly.  I was flashing back to where all those kinds of giggles had lead me in the past.  I began to pray that she not follow that same path.   I was a mess thinking about it.  I was just about to get out of bed and enforce my parental views on her when she said goodbye to him, thanked him for getting her home safely and came into the house alone.

My guts just melted then as I realized my daughter is a healthy, single, 20 year old.  She is not me.  I have never had a healthy single early 20's experience.  I do not understand where she is at, I will never understand it.  It was not my path.  I am grateful that I am smart enough to see that and can allow her the path that I worked so hard to be able to provide for her.

I fell back asleep understanding a fundamental truth.   We all have our own paths to walk.

As much as we can empathize with another we can never fully understand why they choose the things they do.  I truly could not understand how she could say goodbye and not go home with him.  Just like people from my recovery group struggle with understanding why I can leave recovery with the confidence I will not relapse.

The third culd-a-sac I want to peek into which is truly the one I must watch from becoming that, no speed limit freeway, in Germany.    Gods will vs. Societies standards.

My best friend and I spoke at length about this all week.  Touching on how we are conditioned to think by mainstream society.  Talking about our desires and how many times those are seen as negative and subdued. We dived into the rules of our world and whether they still serve us or not.  Funny because all probing exploration like that always takes me back to addiction.

The rooms of NA left a deep impression on the inner regions of my mind.  Part of the reason why I needed to leave and yet I embrace the wisdom imparted.  To become a productive member of society is to question it's functionality..... maybe not to always conform.  Having a strong set of moral values is necessary before confrontation however.... The rabbit hole deepens a bit with understanding where your codes of conduct come from.  Most morals are dictated by society, the circle a viscous one.

Society teaches us fast food and TV are completely acceptable forms of past time.  That's changing.  I have rebelled against both since the beginning of my time.  Why did I go against popular belief?  Because it didn't feel good.  When I fell out of grace with humanity and entered the world of the walking dead it didn't feel good either but I didn't care ( I was in too much personal pain to care).  Society has been pushing for years to legalize pot and sells billions upon billions of dollars in already legalized drugs.  A productive member of society says what to this?  Nothing because most people are in there own self created hells that antidepressants get them out of.   ... Uh ooohhh angry digression comes quick.

Quick flip.

Personally I don't care because I live my life from my higher self and not the waves of corrupt politicians looking to make a buck.

So if popular belief goes against my higher self's will for my life, how do I stand up to that?  Just about being mobbed at my younger daughters friends bday party was a rattle and a half for me.  I am not the popular little genie in a bottle, bewitched, witch amongst her friends moms.  As was made clear when another friend asked to come hang out at our place last night and was given a very shaky no.

Following ones path I guess takes courage and some sort of blinders to the ways of others.   Fearful accusations of others.  I am learning as well on my part,  it takes a bit of modesty and respect for other peoples beliefs and opinions.  A deeper understanding that others peoples opinions of me are none of my business.  But deeper for me still is to know that society is not always the leading fashion on whats hot and whats not.

Let me go just one more place in my experience with walking in my higher powers will for my life.  I work at a very unstable company where the owner is a young male trying to make it in the world.  He has great ideas and solid plans but it's been a tough go of it for him.  Some weeks I wonder if I will get a paycheck.  Yet my heart stays with him because I have experienced way to many coincidences and synchronicity's to ignore.   I am in the right pace even if it's a bit challenging.  I have never lost a paycheck and to be honest I have received a tremendous amount of bonus's.   Even with these understandings I proceeded to see a career counselor to get into school and become a social worker... a dream that I now believe was society approved.  After coming to the conclusion I would be a fabulous counsellor I felt that the path was not for me.  It was not easy setting up things in that direction.  The coincidences were not there and the drive to go in that direction was nothing more then ego based.  God's will for my life is to walk with this company and help it grow.

 I know that now only after I had to test it out.  Again I cannot explain how I know other then personal sign posts along the way that only I would get.  Communication with my higher power.

Being true to who you are and standing in that regardless of what society, your friends or your families think of you.   That's what I am learning today.  Having a foundation and a deep connection to your higher power are all musts before you embark on standing in your truth.  To be honest you don't have your own truth until you have made that connection to your higher self.  Or maybe that's not correct, your truth is to your ego before you make that connection to a higher place within you.  

I know today that without a shadow of a doubt I am in my higher powers will for my life.  Do I have fears?  Fuck ya I do.  Am I terribly uncomfortable... hell ya I am!   Do I rant and rave at my Goddess some days?  Yup, just as I would any mentor asking me to do something outside my comfort bubble.  Like tell the world I am a witch!  However the rewards that come with it are even greater then the sacrifice.

So here is too continuing to walk along MY path.  Sharing it in hopes that you find the courage you need to walk along your own path.  Here is to hoping we can all allow each other our own paths without judgment or condemnation.

 I love you in all your truth.

10 Steps to Lighting Your Sacred Flame

**Re-post**


I have been playing around on the jungle gym of my mind this past week.  Tossing the ball around power, personal power.    Its always been a fascinating subject for me, energy.

I was laying in bed this morning debating whether to get up and start writing or just lay back for a few more minutes and enjoy the day off, when the power went out.  ........Giggling to myself I thanked the Goddess for the power outage on my block and continued to enjoy the warm comforts of my big bed.  Playing even more enjoyably in my minds playground over the significance of the power outage at the exact time I was formulating a blog post around power.  This is what they call synchronicity.

I have started a new Magical Program by Silver Ravenwolf.  Having completed the twelve step program in it's entirety, I have new found confidence that programs I had once started in the past but failed to complete are now an option for me to try again.  When I first embarked on the Magical path Twelve years ago it was Silvers book 'How to Ride a Broomstick' that initiated me.  Now I have moved more to the inner realms of my spirituality with her book 'To light a Sacred Flame'.

The thing I think I missed entirely in my learning's the first go round with my chosen path was the inner part of the workings.  I never spent any time or effort working on me.  I was too focused on getting what I wanted in life.   I lost sight of the foundation for which to build my wants and desires on.

As within, So without.

I never understood that metaphor fully until now.  When my inner world is messy, hurting and chaotic, that reflects in my outer world.  There is absolutely no hiding from that.  No amount of food, drugs or TV can mask what is brewing underneath your surface no matter how hard you try to ignore it.  Actually in my experience the harder you try, the deeper into the pits of the underworld you go.  As my bestie always says..... deal with your shit.  I can now add to that..... before your shit deals with you.

So ....powering up.

Silvers focus in her book right off the top is about the ten ways in which we tap into our personal powers through magic.  These ways is what I want to share with you here.  Some of these ways are definitely for the little kitchen witch that could, however most can apply to anyone wishing to get to know themselves better.  Tapping your higher power, or your higher self is a must I believe for everyone on this planet... it would be a much happier place if we all lived from our sacred flames 24/7.

Self individuation is her first way to personal power.  In my life I see this as getting true to who you are.

Know Thine Self.

It has been a terribly uncomfortable and exciting process of getting to know myself over the past few years.  This is the category of self care for me.  Speaking up and setting boundaries when I need to.  Taking care of my personal needs like housing, health and happiness.  Honoring my feelings and taming my thoughts.  After the self care is in place then it seems the doors burst open to my passions.   The things that I like to do and be become known to me.  This is where the power pulsates for me  With each new thing I learn about myself I fall more in love with my higher being within.  This is where confidence grows and my foundation is created so that I may stand for something, lest I fall for anything.

I have worked hard through the twelve step program to get a deeper understanding of my own sense of self.  I can see now that no matter what path you take once you make that first step you will walk the entire journey in your own time..... even if it takes a lifetime.  But I am about to digress and this is a big post so I should get back to it.

In perfect Love and Perfect Trust reach out to the God/dess of your understanding.   I find this is the concept I am most driving home to my daughter as I teach her the ways of the craft.  Every path is dark without the light of a universal energy guiding your way.  Every religion has a Deity, there must be something in that belief.  I used to question the Goddess's plan for my life, I used to defy that plan.  I am 39 years old, I am too tired to rebel anymore, going with the flow is just easier....  And now I am understanding way way more fulfilling as well.  I cannot explain why having a belief in something works the way it does.  I cannot explain the power that comes from fully trusting in that universal power.  I can share with you that when you finally do let it in and begin to consciously work with it, your life becomes a string of good things.  That's really all I have to say about that.

I have been thinking deeper on this third way of drawing in power that will benefit all people not just my ritual creating sisters.

Call upon your ancestors.

In magic we often call upon the ancestors to aid us in our energy work.  In everyday life I call on my passed on Grandma for guidance.  Advice for my life patterns that I am now aware have been cycling my family for more generations then I can count.  I think looking into our history and understanding where we have come from helps us tremendously understand who and why we are the way we are today.  The power comes in being able to breaks those cycles of defeat and draw on the positive traits of our ancestors.  I struggle with the family concept in this lifetime and feel I derive much more positive power from my friends then my bloodline.  Yet when I look further back then just the physical line of today I can see that my great great great grandparents where something wonderful and along the way that wonder has been lost.... I can tap that and pull that back through learning my genealogy.    A new passion is building now... hmmm, food for thought?

I am going to combine the next two into one paragraph because they are pretty self explanatory.  Animal totems and past lives.  

Knowing what animal energy walks with you is a great way to draw on its lending energy in times of need.  To find your animals there are many ways online that can teach you methods to tap into that guidance.  Past life regressions can give you immediate answers to why things are playing out in your life today.

I had a spontaneous dream regression recently that shed some much needed light on a situation that I was really struggling to understand.  Through this regression I was able to see that it wasn't in this life that the problem occurred.   I was just dealing with some residual stuff.  Knowing that helped me let go and move on.  These are personal beliefs that draw power for me.  Finding positive personal beliefs that you can draw power off of is the concept behind these two ways.

Power of Manifestation is the Sixth way to gain personal power.

This my friends is the one I jumped to right off the bat when I began this path and let me tell you..... not advisable.  It is this power technique that give witches a bad name and the 'Secret' it's fluff.   We all manifest everyday in every way.  Our thoughts become our actions and our actions create our reality.  It is the simplest truth of our world today.

The power comes from taming your thoughts and focusing your actions into an intent that will not only benefit you but those around you.  This is why there are five personal powers before this one.  When one has divine guidance and is also in a place of Love then one will manifest wonderful positive things.  I have been on the other end.  An angry hurt witch is a woman to be feared indeed.  In my blinded rage of what I perceived as a universal injustice I sent shocking vibrations of destruction to everyone within my energy range.  I buried my children, family and friends under the rubble of my anger.

Our lives are a direct result of our own inner worlds, deal with your shit before your shit deals with you.  Manifestation is focused intent on creating an outcome that suits you.  It does not distinguish between an ill intent or a positive one.  It is this realization that kept me locked in a drug induced stupor for a few years.

This seventh form of drawing personal positive power to your life is the one I am currently working on now.

  Banish all negative energy from your world. 

 Negative influences can come in the form of things you ingest into your body... for me it's coffee and sugar.  It can be in the form of what you read and watch, violence begets violence.  It can come in actions that suck your energy out, sleeping all day does that for me.  It also comes in the form of people.  Being an Empath I cannot and mean truly cannot be around people of a different vibration than me.  It messes me up and I have yet to learn how to stay stable in my own energetic vibration.

Several years ago I had two best friends that when we were together we would sit around for hours drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and complain about the skinny bitches of the world.  In a rapid turn of events I lost all my weight and so too these friends.  I was hurt and couldn't not understand why they were saying I had turned my back on them, to me I felt like the same person.  I realize now though that I wasn't the same person.  I no longer smoked or drank coffee, I couldn't just sit around and I was now that skinny bitch we gossiped about.  In my positive creation of my life the negative was removed.  Not so much an easy thing but a necessary one.  I am there again as I move on with my life.  Not easy.

My favorite by far is this one... Go with the seasonal flow of energy.

I remember complaining to my mentor years ago that living in the North messes with people seasonal flows.  You would think because we are known for our harsh winters that it would force us to slow down.  Nope not in oil country when our men go away for the entire season and the wifes are left on there own with there five kids.  We get busier in the winter.

Although we are slowed down somewhat and if you know how to set boundaries you can indeed continue to go with the flow of the season.  I love that I am a landscaper because I personally experience the season for 8-10 hours each and every day.  I loved the busyness of the summer but detested the transition of the fall.  Which fall being my favorite season was double trying to me.  I am happy to be in the peacefulness of the winter now and am kinda already dreading the rush of the spring.   Being connected to the moon and the sun are very real, very powerful ways to draw down energy.... it is because of these ways that I choose the witches path.

As with most programs I have learned from, giving back is always one of the last ways to draw power into your reality.  Being of service to others is why we live in communities.  Being connected to each other is why we have an existence on earth.  Learning how to function in society and giving away our gifts of self is what draws the deepest happiness into our beings.  However we can only truly do this when we have mastered all the other ways of drawing down power.  We can only give what we have to give.  To jump to this before working on yourself will create an energy vampire out of you and trust me, nobody likes an energy Vampire.

The last,         Finally.... fuck, I never thought she would stop talking!     .........but the most powerful way to draw energy is through Meditation.  Learn self hypnosis  To be able to be calm in the face of adversity is what truly ascended people have mastered.  Inner peace.  Serenity.  All chaos ceases to exist in your reality.

That my friends is how I am learning to draw down my power because I gotta tell ya, I have been struggling lately with my inner light bulb.  The summer kicked my ass and I am sure feeling it now.  I find I am having to limit the ways in which I expend my energy.  My job needs to come first as this leads my self care regime.  My self care is right alongside that followed very closely by my daughters.  After those three things, I find I am really limited in what I can do.  I am powering up through these techniques as well as reaching out to my support group.  Knowing what I can afford energetically has been a very tough lesson for me as it leads me back to relapse and the world of darkness where my rage lead me already once.  I have no desire to return to that place so this lesson is one that I will get this time around.

This is my giving back.  I hope that it helps you in some way.  I send love through these words and if your open to receive them then let them fill you full for this day.  Happy trails my friend.