I am always shocked and offended when someone I look up too for guidance and advice shows a negative character trait. When the person I put on a pedestal of super human knowing actually displays a humanistic character trait I get pretty frustrated.
Why is that?
I am not completely naive to the fact we are not all perfect, so why is it when my mentor of the moment supports that idea I am irritated? Do I strive for perfection so deeply that it blasts all hope out of the water? I guess I still do live with the Rose colored glasses on.
Or is it that I am unwilling to face my own defects and therefor get easily offended by other peoples?
I am sure it is much more this concept then any others. I refuse to acknowledge that there is anything negative in my world. I did this for many many years, until one day my perfect little bubble pooped like a water blister and I was completely submersed in the world of complete negatives. It was a traumatic period of my life, one that I did not fair well through.
Who is perfectly pure then with no negative traits in their persona's? I think even Jesus, Gandhi, Mary..... all our written about spiritual leaders had some dirty dark personality conflicts of their own. Do we focus to much on the positive qualities and ignore the negatives that equally balance the good?
I have so many question about this topic of the negative aspect of my personality and not many answers. I am sure it just is what it is, but today I cannot yet accept that. We all need to balance ourselves out, I am just too sensitive to be around a person when they need to express their negative natures. I cannot stand myself when a negative trait rears its ugly head to be acknowledged.
How do I learn to function in the world of real when I cannot accept the shadows for what they are? Service to the light? And truly how can I even dance with the illusion that the shadows do not exist? Too ignore them is to be sucked deep into their pits where no light exists. How can I forget so soon the painful water blister?
Learning to embrace our defects and treat them with the same love and care our positive traits receive is the trick I guess to mastering ones entire personality. As uncomfortable as it is for me to accept those negative traits in my mentors I must learn to have more compassion and less judgement for those that were in the exact same spot as me once... and for those I will be in their exact spot shortly.
Here is to a beautiful day folks... Hoping mine gets called off at work so that I may enjoy a day cleaning my house and catching up with life.
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